Happy birthday, Josie!! Also update!

  • Posted on: 9 September 2015
  • By: MeiLin

IT'S MY OLDEST CHILD JOSIE'S **18TH BIRTHDAY**!!! confetti! massive carrying on! Until recently, I did not look old enough to have an 18-year-old--oh, who am I kidding! Biggrin Happy birthday, sweetheart! You are more than I imagined a daughter could be. I love you!!

An update: I am walking without a cane inside my home. Yes, we are home! Freedonia is filled with boxes, heaps of belongings we're getting rid of, and love. We've been home nearly a month.

The changes John and the builders made--all without the stroke-affected me--are wonderful. They've opened up the kitchen beautifully, and placed the freezer, washer and dryer all on the main floor. I don't have to venture down the steep (now-dangerous) basement stairs to reach either. I can use the laundry whenever I feel like it, which is daily--no more waiting. I can use the big freezer as my actual freezer.

There are drawbacks. We have no personal storage. Our old bedroom on the top floor now belongs to one of our daughters, and we live on the main floor in a girl's room. Our clothing is a fraction of what it once was, and a good thing, too. I lost about a third of it in the fire, and a third more to smoke damage and general wear-and-tear. Out of what's left, I've gotten rid of most of it. I have three or four drawers and fewer than twenty hangers in the closet, including stuff I only wear a few times a year. As I discovered in nine months of living with far, far less, that is far, far more than I really need.

Now, here is the hardest part: I am finding as I write this report--and this is the most I've written in some time--that I don't like the sound of my language. Words no longer come easily to me, and words have always come easily to me. I have had to labor over this. It is new, troubling territory.

The next book is going to take some time, and I don't expect to start until after the year is up. I'm not happy with what I've done to date--not surprising since it was a first draft, but I'm truly unhappy. I'm not going to make any decisions right now for obvious reasons, but you can guess my mind: troubled.

That said, I am determined--determined, I say!--to remain cheerful.

Comments

Gudy's picture

Embodiment

... to Josie, of course, for getting all the way to 18 and to you Mei, for getting better.

As for your words, you'll figure it out. For what it's worth, you still sound recognizably like "you" to me, even if the language has a slightly more... spare feel to it - although that might just as well be caused by a combination of the subject matter and your state of mind.

*hugs*
Gudy

MeiLin's picture

Most High

It's more than the subject matter and state of mind, though. To get to the point where I sounded even a little like "me," it took me more than an hour of writing--probably closer to two. I used to type so fast! With my damaged right side, it takes a lot longer just to type, let alone write-in-the-head. This is faster, but only because I don't think as much when I write a comment. Wink

Steven Tryon's picture

Oh, wow, Meilin. I'm happy to hear you are back in your house and that it's been rearranged to suit you. What a struggle, and how frustrating for one who has made her way with her writing.

As I think I said before, I really want to read book three, but having you alive and well is much more important to me. Keep plugging away, but give yourself time.

You write about strong women, women strong enough to forgive. Oftentimes the hardest person to forgive is oneself, even when the only offense is not being able to do all one want to accomplish.

God bless you,
Steve

Kunama's picture

Devotee

Before, you could walk and not really think about it. Then horrible things happened and you couldn't walk at all. Now, you're walking without a cane. It took a while, and needed physio and gradual work. There's still progress that'll continue happening.

I figure it's the same process with the words. A massive thing happened, but with ongoing use/braingames/reading/meditation/etc, your finesse with language will come back.
Identifying you've reached a milestone with mental things seems like it'd be less obvious because brain has to self analyse or something? The logic seems twisty. We'll be here, cheering you on!!

Katie, who is too lazy to log in's picture

Just dropping by to say I'm thinking of you. Gudy is right, you still sound like you. Happy birthday to Josie (no way is she 18!) and good thoughts for your continued recovery.

manoki's picture

Supplicant

I agree with Gudy, you sound like you but a little lighter, more clean and spare. Are you doing lots of physical and occupational therapy? I'm sure it's frustrating to type slowly. Hugs, M

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