Radio Silence

  • Posted on: 25 January 2014
  • By: MeiLin

I figured out recently why book three has fought me so hard, and why I've kept radio silence on some critical issues: I'm depressed, a lot more than I thought, and for some time now. If I haven't answered something you've asked me, that's why. Not an excuse but an explanation. I'm trying to clear things up and get straight.

I can tell this mood is starting to break up because in the last few days book three finally sorted its structure out in a logical way. Today, for the first time in months, I feel as if I can work. Until recently, sitting down in front of the IHGK and/or DIC Scrivener files has resulted in actual panic attacks.

You're supposed to write through times of no inspiration, but I think this has been bigger than "no inspiration." Those of you who've been with me since the "old days" remember when I was diagnosed with bipolar two a few years ago. I'm on meds and am generally a WHOLE lot better than I was, but sometimes the brain chemistry goes awry. I think this is one of those times; it's just taken a while to see it because it's not the spectacular crash-and-burn of pre-diagnosis days--NASCAR had nothin' on me.

And also last year there were some definite situational depression triggers; I was sick or recovering from surgery for three months of the twelve. A confluence of suck, in other words.

Anyway, it's getting better. Thanks for your patience with me.

Comments

kawaiikune's picture

Embodiment

I'm thinking about you, Mei! Your writing and the community here got me through some tough times, and I hope that you find yourself in a good place soon Smile I'm so glad to hear that you feel like the rough patch is breaking up. All the best!

MeiLin's picture

Most High

Hi, sweetie, thank you, Smile I hope all's well with you.

Gudy's picture

Embodiment

... to those?! Yay! There's no reply box and I totally missed the "Add new comment" link. Sad

MeiLin, I'm so glad you're better, and not just because it means progress on the next book (although honesty compels me to admit that that is also a small reason). I hope you'll get even better soon.

Also, *waves at kk* Long time no see! I'm glad you're still around, and I hope you're doing well.

Hugs to all,
Gudy

MeiLin's picture

Most High

When I updated a toggle got thrown I hadn't intended. Still don't know wtf with the user badges. Grr.

NorthwoodsMan's picture

Embodiment

We don't need no stinking badges...

TheBoy's picture

Embodiment

You don't.
I damn well earned my embodiment badge. Wink

Gudy's picture

Embodiment

... right. Stinking badges are right out. On the other hand, I never noticed any malodourous emanations from MeiLin's lovely badges, so I'm with The Boy on this.

TheBoy's picture

Embodiment

These are some of the folks I really miss.
-TB

ETA: I'm also joining the chorus of people who are thrilled that you're doing better--on account of you (at least) as much as on account of book 3. Wink

MsGamgee's picture

Embodiment

Welcome back to the sunny (or at least less cloudy, since I'm sure this is a work in progress) side of the street!

NorthwoodsMan's picture

Embodiment

I can post again!!! Nothing but love for ya hon!

And all the rest of ya'll too...

Clare-Dragonfly's picture

Supplicant

I'm so glad you're feeling better. ::hugs:: Take care of yourself first.

Tigger's picture

Supplicant

I swear, I commented on this post once before but I don't see it. Maybe I meant to but in all the hullabaloo I didn't actually. Anyhow:

I am likewise glad you are feeling better. You'll make it, step by step, and we'll all be here rooting for you along the way!

I am ALSO with TheBoy and Gudy on the badges. I keep trying to track mine but then remembering they don't work and missing seeing what mine is/would be. Biggrin

MeiLin's picture

Most High

Badges will have to wait till I'm done with the redesign of my main nonfiction site. I'm making good progress so it'll be soon. Ish. There's also a pesky book to write. Smile

Raigne's picture

Embodiment

That kind of depression is incredibly hard to recognize, because you are not in the pits of despair, and it doesn't massively impair your functioning in the same way. For me things slipped out of control so slowly that I lacked the awareness to know it wasn't just an old pattern repeating itself until I intentionally failed a class at college. Like, just woke up one day and decided to stop going to it. I didn't have the energy. And then I still didn't do anything, and it took about two years altogether to turn into a major depressive episode and for me to talk to my doctor.

I am glad you have the self awareness to know before it reaches that point. Don't push yourself too hard, okay?

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